January 2012
My dear blog readers,
I have been threatened, via anonymous message, that if I don’t stop posting “emo” shit that I am (gasp!) in danger of losing a reader.
Thusly, to keep this very valuable member of my blogging community engaged, I will cease to show any sign of exhibiting emotions or normal human “feelings” and convert to a sociopathic conveyer of snark and misanthropy in order to...
Four Weeks
I was standing on the packed train this morning with cold medicine running through my body, the new Craig Finn album playing through my earphones, and I had a “How the fuck did I get here moment.” If you had told me one year ago, or hell, even six months ago, that I’d be living and working in Chicago in January 2012, I wouldn’t have believed you. I didn’t think I had...
FINALLY got the invite from coworkers to join them...
And where are they going? Subway.
Fuck.That.
That is exactly why I prefer to eat alone.
Tom Waits - Downtown Train
Woke up sounding like...
The Third Shift: in Oscar nomination notes... →
samsplace:
thethirdshift:
I don’t ever think I’ve seen a movie as savaged as Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close critically earn Oscar nominations for Best Picture and Best Supporting Actor.
Also, I don’t care that Viola Davis & Octavia Spencer could win Oscars in the Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress categories — The Help
Stephen Daldry (Director of “Extremely loud…”) is an...
Do you ever have a really profound realization...
…and think, “Holy fuck, that’s profound” and feel really smart, but then think “Surely someone else has thought of this first”, and so you Google and it seems that it’s not a wholly original idea, but still, you thought of it on your own so it must count for something, but then you wonder if maybe you heard it somewhere else and it seeped into your...
1 tag
Just ONCE I would like to be able to sleep like a...
Anatomy of insomnia:
Wake up in the middle of the night => Have a random-ass memory about a random-ass person from my past => Wonder what that random-ass person is up to now => Fall down rabbit hole on Facebook wondering how in the fuck there are so many people with the same fucking name => See how many people out there have my name => Give up on trying to find the aforementioned...
Lunch
This is a small office - 17 people - and pretty much everybody goes out to lunch. Thus far, no one has invited me. This doesn’t bother me or hurt my feelings or make me sad, because I would almost certainly decline their invite (I am weird about eating with strangers) but it does seem really rude.
But if the roles were reversed, I would TOTALLY snub the new guy and enjoy my lunch without...
In which I sell myself short and also compare my...
My new job is with a company that is a competitor to my previous employer. Today is my 4th day and I’m like 86% sure that is the reason they hired me.
My old company is a lumbering dinosaur, number one in the market for their very specialized service. My new company is small and rising fast and is poised to “take on” my old company and win the market or something. They’re...
I take it all back
I’ve been here for three days and they just upgraded me from a cube to an office.
Except, with great work space come great expectations. Oy.
I don't want to complain too much...
…because this does seem to be a really good company and I do think I’m going to like working here, but…this morning was a lot of derp.
I work downtown, my the parent company is in the suburbs. The other day my boss told me I would need to report to the parent company office this morning, and he’d drive me back to our office in the afternoon. Simple enough, except that...
Anonymous asked: So... Were you the guy that dissed Tina Fey and got totally PWNED in her autobiography? Or was that another jerk store?
On SOPA...
Real talk:
I don’t care. I have real things going on in MY life that demand my mental energy. I’m at the point in where I just don’t give a shit about politics, period. People who DO care and talk act passionately about politics are just so inherently…annoying to me. It just seems to me that there are so many more interesting/relevant things to talk about.
Not only that,...
Last First Day Live Blog
Today was a bust. It’s a small company and they’re in the middle of performance reviews and frankly, they weren’t ready for me. I’ve spent the last two hours doing literally nothing. And the worst part is, because of the company outing later, I have to stick around until everyone is ready.
Granted, I really don’t have anything better to be doing, but still. Oh...
First Day Live Blog
Finally, something.
Granted, it wasn’t much. A one-way web conference with HR at the corporate office. He talked, I (and presumably others) called in and listened. My 5:30 wake up started to creep on me. My lunch, albeit light, digested slowly. The HR guy’s voice, soft and soothing, fell into a rhythm. The low hum of office lighting. The building’s heat pumping into the room....
First Day Live Blog
I was starting to suspect they forgot about me; in fact, I had just texted someone “I’m 90% sure they forgot about me” when my boss walked by, did a double take and said “I’m so sorry, I totally forgot about you!”
The Phantom of the Office returns!
First Day Live Blog
Getting annoyed….
It’s been two-and-a-half hours since anyone has said anything to me. I haven’t seen my boss and he’s not around. There is literally nothing I’m supposed to be doing. And I’m fucking hungry.
Derp.
First Day Live Blog
My boss was impressed that I figured out where the bathroom is, and where to get the key to the bathroom, without asking anyone.
Could the bar be set any lower?
Also, bathroom key? What the fuck?
First Day Live Blog
That I can sit here and post these should tell you how it’s going. Eighty minutes into my tenure and I’m already staring at my computer with nothing to do.
I’m having a flashback to my old job. Darkness imprisoning me. All that I see. Absolute horror. I cannot live. I cannot die.
Ooh, time to enroll in the health plan! Exciting!
First Day Live Blog
HR: Here are instructions for disarming the alarm in case you’re the first one here in the morning.
Me (out loud): Okay, thanks.
Me (internally): HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Solomon Burke - Fast Train
FIRST DAY OF WORK!...
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Epiphany (kind of)
I’m generally a pretty impatient person, but some things are worth waiting for. Currently, there is something that is totally worth me waiting for, and in accepting that, I feel like I’ve been granted the patience I need to live in the moment and not worry about what’s next. (I assume that it was Tim Tebow who granted it to me. HIGHER POWERZ.)
Which leads me to conclude (quite...
Last day of freedom...
….before my inevitably soul crushing return to Corporate America. On the bright side, at least I’ll be working in downtown Chicago, which is much nicer than a nondescript office park in suburban Cincinnati.
I wish I could say that I have really exciting plans today, but the extent of my to-do list is
attempt to go for a run on these icy fucking sidewalks
buy a new corkscrew for...
Quick Rant: Smelly People Fucking Suck
In the midst of a lunch date, we were suddenly overcome by the gross, nasty, choking stench of BO. We knew exactly who the culprit was, because the stink out started as soon as he took off his coat, and it ended when he left. But this raises the question: REALLY? What the fuck, bro?
When you’re a god damned adult eating food in a god damned restaurant, there is no good reason for strangers...
I may have overdone it today, you guys
I just mapped out my run. It ended up being 4.2 miles to and at the lake, then 2.8 miles home (which was mostly walking due to the aforementioned butt muscle tweak.) My legs are killing me. I can barely walk. That may not sound like a lot to some of you, but FUCK YOU I’M NOT THAT GOOD AT THIS.
Nothing that Advil and beer can’t cure, I hope.
Man vs Food No More
I used to pride myself on being able to consume massive portions of food if I so desired. My gastronomic rapacity knew no satiety. But over the past eight months I’ve, you know, gotten healthy and lost weight, and as such my appetite is a fraction of what it once was.
I went to a Jewish deli-type place for dinner tonight. I ordered the matzo ball soup and a pastrami sandwich. Pretty...
Alabama Shakes - Hold On
Really digging these...
4 tags
Just got a call from my soon-to-be boss
He was like “Hey, can I ask you a huge favor? When we set up your start date as January 16th, we didn’t realize it was Martin Luther King Jr day, and our office is closed. Is there any way we can push it back to Tuesday the 17th?”
And I was all, “Okay, I suppose that’s not a problem” when in my mind I was all “FUCK YEAH MOTHER FUCKER!!!”
Then he...